The beginning..

Okay, so my name is Precious Mulbah for those who don't know me. I really don't know where to start off at this point, but I guess here it goes. I've been through more than the average teenage has been through, believe it or not. There is so much more to me than people don't know. I don't even think my best friend knows. If it's not family issues of whatever family I do have left, then it's school or guys. Me being me, I have always had low self-esteem. I can't really explain why, but I just do. Growing up, people always used to pick on me and tell me I was ugly and I guess I really let that get to me. I mean I still do think I'm not all that attractive but that's not the point. Low self- esteem seems to have become my best friend. It seems as if I'm always down, depressed, and moody but I try my best not to show it and cover it up with a smile. I'm beginning to think my smile is what keeps me going. When I began high school, my low self-esteem really began to kick my butt until somebody walked into my life. I won't mention any names in this blog but he was just someone who loved me for me, no matter what others thought about me. I can truly and honestly say he was my first love. He was like my best friend. It seems as if whenever I brag about something or someone great in my life, I jinx it. I bragged about him to everyone I knew and that's when everything started to go wrong. Bottom line, I ended up cheating on him because of all the pressure. I just wanted to feel loved again and then he cheated on me 10x worse. He's the first guy I have ever shed a tear for. Going through high school I dated and talked to a lot of people. I've been called a hoe before, even though I never had sex with any of these people before. I really do let people's thoughts about me get to me, believe it or not. My love life sucks, well my life just sucks in general. People try to feed me with all of their b.s. lies and I've fallen for it so many times. I have trust issues, and I'm insecure about EVERYTHING! People that I actually do put my trust in always let me down so now I just try to keep to myself. Sometimes I catch myself crying at times and I don't know why. I've been wanting to cut myself and I actually thought about committing suicide a couple of times by overdosing. I've been to a counselor and they said I was diagnosed with depression. Me? At this age? No way. I don't even know who I am. I have yet to find my identity. Until then, I will still be confused...